Clerks on the Deathstars

RANDAL
So they build another Death Star, right?

DANTE
Yeah.

RANDAL
Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it.

DANTE
Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due.

RANDAL
And the second one was still being built when they blew it up.

DANTE
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.

RANDAL
Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right.

DANTE
And you figured it out?

RANDAL
Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials.

DANTE
Basically.

RANDAL
So when they blew it up, no prob.Evil is punished.

DANTE
And the second time around...?

RANDAL
The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction.

DANTE
So?

RANDAL
A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.

DANTE
Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at.

RANDAL
Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.

DANTE
All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death star, why are you uneasy with its destruction?

RANDAL
All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. (notices Dante's confusion)All right, look-you're a roofer,and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.

The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but what were you talking about?

RANDAL
The ending of Return of the Jedi.

DANTE
My friend is trying to convince me that any contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when the space station was destroyed by the rebels.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer... (digs into pocket and produces business card) Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements. And speaking as a roofer, I can say that a roofer's personal politics come heavily into play when choosing jobs.

RANDAL
Like when?

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Three months ago I was offered a job up in the hills. A beautiful house with tons of property. It was a simple reshingling job, but I was told that if it was finished within a day, my price would be doubled. Then I realized whose house it was.

DANTE
Whose house was it?

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Dominick Bambino's.

RANDAL
"Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
The same. The money was right, but the risk was too big. I knew who he was, and based on that, I passed the job on to a friend of mine.

DANTE
Based on personal politics.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Right. And that week, the Foresci family put a hit on Babyface's house. My friend was shot and killed. He wasn't even finished shingling.

RANDAL
No way!